Response 4, Week 2

 Response to Kyley: "Once Upon a Time"

I think the draft can use revision in the clique and abstract section. In line four, the writer uses the terms, “damsel and distress, which has been said before, maybe the writer can use another term or name of a fairly tale character that is not looked up to or that ends up losing in the end of the tale. Also in line four I noticed an abstract verb, “ugly”, instead of say ugly describe something that gives the reader the same meaning, for example,  “…, but are we not all clumps of twisted frog shit?” I admire the last two line ; the way the laugh cuts the silence, enhanced the poem, giving the poem a wanting more effect.

Response 3, Week 2

Response to Chris: "A Decade in the Life"

I admire this draft, because the poem reminds the readers of the important events that has happened in the world, and he reminds us in a unique way; he doesn’t tell us, but he asks us how could we forget and by the end of the poem he makes you want to remember every poem by saying, “a single swollen heart can’t”. I also admire the way he started off with a question and the body of the poem is him asking questions and does not give the readers the answer to the very last line of the poem. This draft can use revision; he ends every sentence with a question mark, which throughout the poem was placed correctly, although, capitalization in the beginning of the sentence is needed.

Improv 2, Week 2

Improv of Sex Ed, fourth stanza

Someone needs to raise their hand immediately
and volunteer to tell the girl in the car
to unbutton her blouse for that guy slowly.
Someone needs to show him how to caress
her eyelids with his thumbs, then run one
over her lips, see if she takes his fingure
into her mouth and sucks, then turns her head
to the side so his moist thumb trails her cheek.

Extended Passage
Someone needs to tell young women that their body
and mind is laced up and tied to the boy the pierce
their insides. His dumpster becomes your; weighing
you down until salvation, adding on as another parter
enters your body, drilling you into the ground.
Someone needs to teach a boy how to become a man.
Breaking the cycle, learning to treat a woman like Mary
or Eve; the woman that birth the nation.

Sign Inventory 2, Week 2

Sign inventory on "The Contact Note", by Erika Meitner

• This poem consist of only three sentences.
•  She breaks the last line of the first stanza with "a burning feeling", forcing the reader to stop.
• All the stanza have four line, but the last one which has a couplet. 
• She is only speaking to the ladies.
• In line three through five she uses descriptions that makes the poem topic hot, such as, "fatigue and listlessness", "skin sensitivity", "a burning feeling on the face and eyes", and "fluid discharge" and she cool it of by using on description, "sincere fabrication".

Free Entry 2, Week 2

The Dover Demon

The vinegar student with a black hood pulled slightly down
over his lashes; rips my clothes off using his copy center.
A white car reading "University Police", tires grinds the ground
behind me, as the Dover Demon presses behind the Humanities
Building, plugging his butt in a bench facing the brick,
moving his head side to side, as if watching a professor write
the lessons on the board.

Following my mouth flickers', awaiting it's murder.
Keys crowned my head and stung the steps;
the chains painted red, dried lose. His bones
strung to my ribs; crunching them, like the sounds
of wind slapping leaves. My back planted into rocks,
as his s harp hand cuts my shirt and his eyes take pictures.
Snap. Snap, snap, and his feet playing the drum
was the final sounds.