Response 2, Week 1

Response To: Kyley

The dark sense you give to the poem is great. The words you used are great and describing something dark and gloomy, if that is what you are going for, you are headed in the right direction. Although, in the first few lines I notice line breaks, but no punctuation was added to instruct me as the reader, where i should pulse. I feel there should be a comma between the second and third like. A pulse between those lines, would add more mystery, it would help the readers understand what going on, because would be forced to stop by the punctuation to take, the details in.

Response 1, Week 1

Response to: Dawn, "Leo"

The way you described the cat in the first two lines were good, it was not confusing for me to figure out what you were describing. Although, I believe you need to use more punctuations and details. I got lost in the poem a couple of times, from lack of commas. You should go back and places commas as needed. One thing I find unique about this poem, is the form and structure, is there a reason you choice to format your poem in this manner? It is important for you to know the reason you make certain decisions in your poems, because some readers may think it is done on purpose and would want to know the essence of the idea.

Improv 1, Week 1

Improv: "Instructions for Vigilant Girls"

Missing

On plain white paper, faces of young girls
lingered in black ink soon to be forgotten.

Dressed in a pink and yellow flower dress and fluffy socks,
that folder over her ancle.
She had a ponytail, with a pink ribbon twirled
neatly around.

Uncle Luck, not my real unlce,
but insisted I called him uncle;
he looked at me diffrenent,
than that of my dads brother.

Her ribbons flew to the tree,
her dress ripped to shreds, and her blood
mixed with the durt.

On plain white paper, faces of young girls
lingered in black ink soon to be forgotten.

Sign Inventory 1, Week 1

Erika Meitner, "Instructions for Vigilant Girls"

• The entire poem is broken into a couplet.
• Throughout the poem instructions are given to young girls.
• In line 8, the words are italicized to let the readers know that the line is of importance.
• In lines 9-18, short sentences are used, next one long sentence is used, followed by a one word sentence.
• Lines 7- 18, stresses the importance's of the instructions.
• Lines 3-18, gives a child outlook.
• The last two lines is an adult outlook.