Improv 3, Week 3

Kim Addonizio, "What Do Men Want?"

Does he want a women in a tight black skirt?
Does he want her, tall and skinny,
Does he want her to have blond hair streatched to her ass,
until she cuts it off to attract his attention?
Does he want to cut the skirt off with his teeth,
until her leperad panties are untaped from her body?
Does he want her to cook boucope Gumbo, Jambulaya,
or Okra?
Does he want her to clean the whole house, while he sits
on his shitty vessel?
Does he want her to raise the kids, as he affairs?
Does he want her to like his mother?
A man mind is like a banana tree filled with monkeys clamoring for attention.

Sign Inventory 3, Week 3

Kim Addonizio, "What Do Women Want?"

• Repetiton is used, "I want..."
• There is only seven sentences
• She starts the poem with, "I want a red dress." and towards the end of the poem she restates that she wants the red dress.
• She uses detailed images, but straight to the point.
• She startes the poem with what she wants, at the end she was confident she was going to get it.
• In the second and third line she uses repitition, but a comma breaks it up, not a period.

                Example: first line: "I want a red dress."
                              Second and third line: "I want it flimsy and cheap,
                                                                I want it too tight, I want ti wear it..."

Response 6, Week 3

I think the draft can use revision in a couple of sections, Samaria. At the end of the second line in the first stanza, you say “point a.” This has been seen before. Maybe you can say, “…the canal” or another event in the beginning, that the readers can imagine what you are trying to say. Also, some punctuation can be used to help the readers to pause as needed. In the fourth line of the first stanza a comma can be used between, “this” and “my”. The fifth line in the same stanza a comma can also be used. The comma can be placed between “it” and “this”. It is important to use punctuation as need, and using images that has not been used; to describe images in away never heard.

Response 5, Week 3

I admire your draft Spencer, because you used great repetition, “It’s still packed with”. The first thing that caught my attention is when you used the repetition in the first and second line in the second stanza and you did not use it again until, the first line in the third stanza, which caused me to stay interested in finding out what else it is still packed with. I really think you should keep the repetition in the places you placed it, because it starts where another part of your life seems to start. I also admire the images you give. One image in particular that I admire is, “Night set to slow frame rates skipping around…” using this image forces the readers to open up their imagination and see things in a different prospective, and that is creative. Although I admire the draft, I believe it can use some revision. In the third stanza, you wrote, “It's still packed with that one semester I wasted at/ community college in Florida.” Instead of saying community college you can name the college; it would give us a little more detail, because there are more than one community college in Florida.

Junkyard Quotes 12, Week 3

Two of my roommates and I were picking on our other roommate. We told her that her dog has flees and she got really mad, so I made one more joke. I told her that

“Flees were feasting on my brain.”

Junkyard Quotes 11, Week 3

I found this quote on the internet and I had to use it, because it is an interesting way to describe what is going on in your mind.

"My mind is like a banana tree filled with monkeys clamoring for attention"

I think I may try to use this quote in one of my poems.

Junkyard Quotes 10, Week 3

I read this quote on one of my Facebook friends’ status,

"Maybe this world is another planet's hell"