I admire your draft Spencer, because you used great repetition, “It’s still packed with”. The first thing that caught my attention is when you used the repetition in the first and second line in the second stanza and you did not use it again until, the first line in the third stanza, which caused me to stay interested in finding out what else it is still packed with. I really think you should keep the repetition in the places you placed it, because it starts where another part of your life seems to start. I also admire the images you give. One image in particular that I admire is, “Night set to slow frame rates skipping around…” using this image forces the readers to open up their imagination and see things in a different prospective, and that is creative. Although I admire the draft, I believe it can use some revision. In the third stanza, you wrote, “It's still packed with that one semester I wasted at/ community college in Florida.” Instead of saying community college you can name the college; it would give us a little more detail, because there are more than one community college in Florida.
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