I think the draft can use revision in a couple of sections, Samaria. At the end of the second line in the first stanza, you say “point a.” This has been seen before. Maybe you can say, “…the canal” or another event in the beginning, that the readers can imagine what you are trying to say. Also, some punctuation can be used to help the readers to pause as needed. In the fourth line of the first stanza a comma can be used between, “this” and “my”. The fifth line in the same stanza a comma can also be used. The comma can be placed between “it” and “this”. It is important to use punctuation as need, and using images that has not been used; to describe images in away never heard.
No comments:
Post a Comment